I woke up feeling a little off, and as day progressed to night, and while I prepared for my night shift as a staff nurse, it got worse.

My ascension on the stairs to the station where I was assigned was getting slower every second, and I was beginning to feel discomfort in my chest. I finally arrived after what seemed like several minutes, and saw my workmates rushing here in there; a group mate sat at the back of the room, sitting and waiting for his colleagues to arrive and the morning shift monitoring nurses to endorse to him.

I was still able to force a small smile and whisper “hi” to him as he went out to roam around other for a while when I dropped my bag onto one of the free chairs around our dining table.

And I saw the charts. Three piles of charts cramped into one portable table. The wards were full.

I immediately felt dizzy that I had to sit down.

Just relax, I tried to tell myself, taking in breaths slow and deep, but they only gradually became faster and more shallow until I was already hyperventilating, and tears were falling out fast.

I saw something white pass by and heard someone ask me something I didn’t understand. He spoke a little louder and moments later, someone rubbed my back and another person took my hand and gave me a paper bag. I immediately placed the opening around my mouth, the edge getting damp from my crying.

Nobody was there for a few seconds, then I saw a wheelchair stop in front of me. Someone guided me as I stood and sat in it, and I felt being wheeled away. There was a moment where the chair stopped, a sensation of going down rushed by, and the elevator chimed open. I realized I was being forwarded to the emergency room.

My vision became clearer as we entered the bright receiving area, where a doctor immediately asked what happened, and a nurse pointed to the last bed. I got up from the wheelchair, momentarily taking off the paper bag, and shuffled my way to the bed. I was already physically tired that time that I just lay in there, my thoughts still hazy as the nurse and doctor asked me about what happened and history of the similar kind, to which I mindlessly answered them.

I remember the nurse asking me for my parents’ phone number and a small conversation I have with my mother, which ended with her saying she’s coming right over with dad.

My emotions flowed out when they arrived, and I told them everything I was feeling, from everything that made me down to the things that I fear the most. Although it was hard for me to let it all out, the weight on my chest that I’ve been carrying for years became lighter, and I felt much better.

Finally, I was able to get up from the bed and walk to the desk, where I was advised to take the night off and get some rest. I went home, feeling different especially that I was able to share my burdens with other people. I wasn’t able to sleep early that night, but at the very least I knew there are people who I can trust sharing my secrets with.