Hi, high school classmates.

Yes, I write this letter to you in the middle of the night because it’s keeping me awake and I wanted to go to sleep now.

I have to separate you into three groups just to make this letter short.

To the people who sat at the back,

Thank you for teaching me how to treat people well and to keep a calm demeanor when being spoken to, even if the words being thrown to me were already hurtful and killing me inside.

If you haven’t bullied me all those years before, I wouldn’t have learned how to talk to people without hurting them, too.

I actually had forgiven you but it doesn’t mean that I would forget the things you did, because I won’t, just to remind myself that you would probably do those kind of things again when we see each other again in the [near] future, and I won’t tolerate that bullshit ever again.

To those who I didn’t hang out with,

Sorry for being the awkward and quiet person that I am. Probably because I didn’t want to hang out with you since I would feel out of place if I did; I was intimidated about how good-looking, outgoing and intelligent you all are.

Those are my insecurities, you see. I don’t think I’m beautiful, I’m introverted and I don’t have the level of intelligence that you have. I felt like I would be compared to you if I did, and it will only bring my self-esteem down, as though it wasn’t low enough yet.

I don’t blame you for having those gifts. I blame myself for not being confident enough to gather up the courage and ask if I could hang out with you.

I remember a couple of you who approached me during retreat, hugged me and told me that you “wanted to be my friend”. That was only less than a year left before we graduated and nothing happened during that period.

Oh, well. I guess I wasn’t really meant to be in your group, but I don’t dislike you. Please accept it as a compliment as I don’t really know how to say what I feel about a person.

To those who called me their friend,

You might not know it, but even though I don’t talk when I hang out with you guys, I appreciate being invited over in your group.

Actually, being accepted is my goal in life, and you did in some way.

Thank you for not forcing me to share and just let me speak and choose whether to answer or turn down questions for me.

Thank you for including me when the teacher instructs us to group ourselves for a class activity.

Thank you for the memories we had. It’s a blast hanging out with you, you beautiful people, and I love you so much. I hope I’ll see you again soon.

From your ever quiet and awkward classmate,

claude